Are you there, God? It's me, Steve.

Dear God,

This is Steve. Steve Alford. I know it's been a few hours since I last talked to you, but I wanted to ask you for a few more favors.

First, let everybody in the state of Iowa understand why I'm leaving them. There will probably be a few confused and hurt people, especially near the team. Please show them that I'm at a school that, if you ask me, barely knows basketball exists, and I can't deal with fielding a team that can never bring in more than a fifth as many fans as the football team does. That's not the type of environment that I thrive in, and I'll do anything to make sure I'm the big news. Right now, Iowa fans care far less about basketball than I do, and I can't stand that.

Second, please let Pierre Pierce know I've forgiven him. It was hard, but we're both better off, I think. Pierre is out of jail now (thanks, by the way!), and he's trying to get his act together. I sure hope he does. He betrayed my trust back in '04, and I had a hard time getting over it. It hurt to get screwed over like that. Yessir, I can't think of anyone else who's gone through more pain after getting screwed by Pierre Pierce without giving him permission.

Also, I want you to watch over Tyler Smith. He's all Iowa's got next year--what with me leaving and all--and he needs all the support he can get. He's incredibly talented, but he still plays young. He's got a child to raise, too, and I don't envy the position he's in. I know every day I've spent away from my kids hurts, and I was at least lucky enough to have a lot of money before they were born. Tyler doesn't have that luxury, and I hope you bless him with the grace to manage his priorities to the best of his ability.

Speaking of the kids that are still at Iowa, I pray that you give Seth Gorney the strength and ability to play basketball well. I know it's probably an affront to you that he's begun taking up yoga and everything, but he's not a bad guy, and I bet he'd still like to hear from you and bask in your wisdom when it comes to playing the post. I don't know what that foreign garbage is that's tattooed on his arms, but he'll come back to the flock if you try harder with him.

I know I mentioned them earlier, but please bless my family. They mean very much to me--I even still let my wife and daughter sit next to the court where the cameras can see them. I know my daughter looks ridiculous and Tanya isn't much to look at, but they're my family, and most of the time it feels like they're all I've got.

College sports are cruel and fickle, and in basketball, one good player can be the difference between a coach like me keeping his job and getting fired. I owe you a whole lot that I haven't been fired yet, God, and I'm so glad you're giving me this way out of Iowa City with my dignity intact. I just hope people can see that I'm not a bad guy and I always wanted to win every game. I just need to be somewhere else now.

Oh, almost forgot--thanks again for the hair! TTYL!