Picking the West bracket, the Hair Gel way

(1) Kansas (30-4) vs. (16.5) Niagara (23-11) - Niagara, please. KU by about 40.

(8) Kentucky (21-11) vs. (9) Villanova (22-10) - After I watched 'Nova squeak by Iowa in a nailbiter--89-60--I'm sold on them. That, and Kentucky is currently in the middle of a sleepwalk that included moronning (new word) their way out of a win against Mississippi State in the SEC tournament. No way I can take them. Villanova wins.

(5) Virginia Tech (21-11) vs. (12) Illinois (23-11) - Illinois is so wracked by injuries/retards behind the wheel that they can barely put five guys on the court. How they got this spot over a Florida State or Drexel is beyond me. Meanwhile, Tech's backcourt is solid. No 5/12 upset here.

(4) Southern Illinois (27-6) vs. (13) Holy Cross (25-8) - I'm ripping a comedian off here, but I can't find it on Google to give a proper citation. Anyway, what's the deal with making the cross holy and everyone wearing crucifixes? If Jesus was really coming back, isn't a cross the last thing he wants to see when he gets back?? Never bet on the Patriot League. Saluuuuuki Crisp in a walk.

(6) Duke (22-10) vs. (11) Virginia Commonwealth (27-6) - I can't tell you how much I want to pick VCU. Seriously. This is the worst Duke team in a long time, and Greg Paulus is an (at best) average point guard. He runs the point like a scared rabbit. And yet... I can't pick against Duke. Those guys can get away with murder in the tournament. Just don't be surprised if it's a no-call when Eric Maynor ends up with a shiv stuck in his chest.

(3) Pittsburgh (27-7) vs. (14) Wright State (23-9) - Hey, you know how Butler's awesome and the class of the mid-majors this year? What if I told you there was another team in the Horizon that had the same league record? And what if I told you that team beat Butler two out of three times, including in the league tourney? Would you think they were a typical 14-seed? Yessir, my big upset of the tourney is Wright State taking out a Pitt team that folds with regularity in March. To paraphrase the New Kids on the Block, Oh-oh-oh-ohhh-oh, oh-oh-we-oh! Who's gonna win here? The Wright State! (I'm so sorry.)

(7) Indiana (20-10) vs. (10) Gonzaga (23-10) - I cannot advise picking a team whose best win away from home was against a UConn team that wasn't even seriously considered for the NIT. Seriously, beat ONE team with a top 100 RPI away from home, Hoosiers, and maybe I'll pick you for the second round. Zags win big.

(2) UCLA (26-5) vs. (15) Weber State (20-11) - Unless they found another year of eligibility for Harold "the Show" Arcenaux, Weber is going to get their shit pushed in by the Bruins.