21 weekend questions

1) Who will the next coach be?

A: While I obviously can't say too much (always shear the sheep, never skin it), all indications are that it's a certain former player.

2) What? Who? Give me a hint.

A: Let's just say his first name is Steve, and his last name is Carfino.

3) Shut the fuck up.

A: Okay, sorry, that's 100% bullshit. I just made that up.

4) Seriously, who's it going to be?

A: I have no clue, although Chris Lowery did give reporters a nice fat "no comment" when asked about any interest in the Iowa job. That's a good first step, and it ought to merit him at least 30% on the "Who will it be"-o-meter.

5) Any other leads?

A: I think there's still a 5-10% chance on Majerus. Remember that Roy Williams said he didn't give a shit about North Carolina on live TV, then left for Chapel Hill not a week later. Nick Saban pulled a similar stunt. So yeah, let's not throw the Majerus rumors out quite yet. There was way too much chatter for it to have been 100% bullshit.

6) What's a better nickname for Seth Gorney: Lotus Blossom, or Gornstar?

A: What an awesome question. (props to ISG)

7) Who's winning the two games tonight?

A: I'm not your goddamn bookie, but okay, let's play. Florida beat the holy hell out of UCLA last year in a similar scenario, and the Gators have everyone back. I can't stand watching Florida play and I want so badly to see UCLA take the whole thing (if only for Bill Walton stoned out of his mind at midcourt for the celebration), but it's wildly illogical not to pick Florida, right?

8) What about the Donovan rumors to Kentucky? Won't that be a distraction?

A: Nah. They weren't for Roy Williams, remember?

9) And game #2?

A: You had better not miss Georgetown-OSU. Hibbert against Oden is going to be an awesome showdown. Seriously, how many times are you ever going to see a big man duel like this? This is like Sampson-Ewing, before Ralph Sampson sucked and was no longer "really mean." Buddy Light is going to get that reference, and just about nobody else will. I have no clue who wins this game. I think Ohio State has better jump-shooters, which is the only way to beat the Georgetown defense, so the edge ought to go to the Bucks. But who knows? If Oden starts forcing his play like during the Xavier game (a game OSU had zero business winning), this could turn into a Hoya rout. Seriously, you cannot miss this game.

10) Can we count on regular updates from Mr. O.P. Surprise today?

A: Probably not. Unless something breaks in the next 3 hours, I'll be gone for the rest of the day. By the way, if you're in the area, you should head to Amana late this afternoon. The Millstream brewery is having a "3 millionth bottle of beer" party at the brewery this afternoon. Check this out. You show up between 3:30-5:30 and dink around on their bottling line. Then once the 3,000,000th bottle comes off the line, there's a big ceremony and celebration. After that, they have a party in the warehouse from 6-10 p.m. with free brats and some band called Electric Mule.

11) Is Electric Mule any good?

A: You're missing the point. FREE BRATS AND BEER. MILLSTREAM BEER.

12) Isn't it supposed to storm like crazy this afternoon?

A: I am going to get shitfaced and beat the hell out of any tornado that tries to start something with me.

13) So nothing all night from the Hair Gel?

A: Can't say. If you're lucky and you behave yourself, you just may get to hear from Buddy Light and/or the Deacon.

14) Okay. Can you put up that picture of Carfino one last time?

A: Hell yeah.

15) Okay now do someone else.

A: Like who?

16) Anyone.

A: Well, you can't really go wrong with the come-hither gaze of one Downtown Freddie Brown.

17) I am so turned on right now.

A: He's a moustache away from outpacing Wilt Chamberlain by a factor of like a million.

18) Wouldn't that make it 20 billion chicks that he would have done, then?

A: Hell yeah.

19) Okay put up another picture. Find the best player in all of Iowa history and show us him.

A: Okay.

20) AAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!

A: OH MY GOD RUN FOR YOUR LIFE, HE SEES US!!!

21) AAAAAAAHHH OH MY GOD NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

A: RUUUUUUNNNNNNNNN!!!!