Saturday, March 10, 2007

I would be remiss...

...if I didn't mention the Hair Gel Trifecta that hit the United Center yesterday. There was:

Steve Lavin calling a game between...

Iowa head coach Steve Alford...

...and Purdue head coach Matt Painter.

As far as who came out on top, it's pretty obvious. Painter ripped off the Alford look without doing it well enough to make it his own. You can't give the trophy to Alford--his team just lost by 19, and there are serious rumors floating out there that his hair is actually plastic.

So that leaves Steve Lavin, who is clearly losing his mind at the announcer's table--and I am A-OK with that. Yesterday's brutality was somewhat mitigated by Steve Lavin doing his best Bill Raftery impression. I can't possibly do justice to everything he rambled about, but we got a 3-minute analysis of hot dogs from across the country (the key, apparently, is the bun), the phrase "scampering hamsters," and a "beep beep" every time one of the Boilermakers scored. Because of the Roadrunner. The cartoon one. Yeah.

I applaud Lavin. He has clearly thought to himself, "I can go back to coaching, which is nightmarish in its time commitments, stress, and negative effect on my family... or I could sit here and just watch the games and talk, do whatever the hell I want to, and still make a shitload of money. I'm thinking option B is a little better." Seriously--watch a game with Lavin in it. He's Raftery II, and he's only going to get more insane as the years go on.

I'm done with the tourney recaps--I'll be using all that data and this year's RPI to put out a bracket early tomorrow. Here's a sneak preview: Ohio State, on the bubble??? More later!

Mr. OPS would like to thank Deke for the inspiration of this post.


Deacon said...

The thing I noticed in listening to Lavin is that he's very interested in anything not taking place on the court. The extended baseball chat was really something else--he's obviously put some thought into the pasttime during those Little League pep talks.

As far as the hair, bravo to you, OPS, for commemorating the occasion. I have to say that I agree with awarding the First Annual SAHG Product Prize to Painter. Painter's coiffure isn't necessarily that good, but he strikes a balance with the gel that seems to me appropriate.

Alford's look was a little too "hedgehoggy" for me. You can tell he was distracted before the game: the gameday hair clearly suffered from too little product placed at the front and combed back through the 'do. He didn't take the time to work that product in, down to the damn scalp, and as a result Steve got a little ducktail going in the second half. It's a mistake we wouldn't expect of a self-stylist with this much experience at the BTT, and it's another sign that maybe Stevie is a little _too_ comfortable at Iowa.

While I appreciate the amount of product Lavin's got there, it's just too damn much. Lavin's strategy is to use enough goop to bind 100s of hairs together and form a series of "superhairs." It's effectively goombah dreads, and while I applaud the innovation, it's a little too fashion forward this season. Maybe 2010, Lavin.

Deacon said...

Oh, and apologies for getting chatty in yer comments. Just felt that the Steves deserved a little analysis, god bless 'em.

Crewser said...

You have to applaud Lavin for rollin' in the booth mainly because he gets to hang with Erin Andrews and Musberger. He might have the best job in sports.