Dana Altman is the next coach...

...of Arkansas. Holy shit. Do you suppose he's playing the role of Iowa's jilted lover, his interest always unrequited? That Arkansas is the real protagonist in this romantic comedy--the Meg Ryan, if you will? Or is Dana Altman Meg Ryan? Who knows? And this discussion should stop before I start openly wondering if there's a nude scene anywhere.

The rumor mill is talking up Majerus again, with some slightly ludicrous details about awaiting the ubiquitous "test results." That's as credible as, well, this site. So acting on what's been actually been said by Majerus, he can be disregarded for the time being. It does seem kind of strange that since Iowa's been using a highly secretive search firm, that Majerus would allegedly allow himself to be so open and vocal about his desire for the job to everybody but the press.

And about that search firm that Iowa's using (even though they don't list Iowa's spot as vacant anymore on their website): screw you guys. It's great that you're all about being trustworthy and never leaking details and everything. It's just that, oh I don't know, it's exactly what this website feeds on. It's like if I made a company that made it impossible to have sex with your wife, in some sort of convoluted way that I don't even understand anymore.

Look, my point is this: I want Iowa to have the best coach possible. The search firm is the best way there. But the longer they drag this out without giving me something ("three of the top five coaches have 6 letters in their last names!" would be a nice start), the more I'm inclined to start FedEx-ing them jars of my own human waste. Work with me here.